Pain - It's all in your head!

Pain is such an interesting subject.  Working in the medical field, I've seen a lot of work aimed at quantifying pain and marvelled at the subjectiveness of rating pain.  We'd see patients in the ER that were complaining of a hangnail and rated their pain as the worst of their life (no really, people do that!) and then you'd have someone come in with an obviously broken extremity and they'd rate their pain midway on the pain scale, understanding that they may hurt but it could be worse.  With children, we tended to move away from the subjective pain scale and look at more quantifiable signs - were they grimacing, were their vitals elevated, were they guarding the painful area, were they apprehensive?

But what if your body doesn't understand pain?  What if your neuro-sensory system is screwed up and you feel things differently than most people?  What if your early life conditioned you to ignore pain?

I bring this up because it was something I hadn't thought much about and I feel like I have failed my child in this area.  We had a very bad couple of days, some very difficult and unusual behaviors - these were preceded by an illness, a cold/bronchitis/high fever, but M seemed very healthy during the actual days of monsterishness.  I exchanged emails with her developmental pediatrician and while we don't really know what triggered M's behavior, she did bring up some awesome points.  Even though M was recovered and feeling well, she could have still not felt great.  Even something as small as a lingering sinus headache could have bothered her enough to make her come unglued.  Even though she was begging to go back to school, her body probably still needed more time to rest.  The pediatrician pointed out that kids with sensory difficulties just don't feel things the same.  Not only could she have been experiencing symptoms she couldn't interpret, she also did not know how to address them or react to them.  So something as simple as shopping for birthday party supplies could be overwhelming enough to make her flip out if she wasn't feeling well (sorry to anyone who was at the craft store last Saturday!).

It really got me to thinking.  M is an extremist, all or nothing.  When she was an infant, she had ear infection after ear infection.  Most of the time these were surprises - found during a well baby visit or when we would go to the doctor for her respiratory illness.  I wonder how many untreated ear infections she had in the first 9 months of her life - ear infections that she was not treated for, not comforted for, not addressed at all.  How desensitizing that might have been.  She's never been a complainer when she's sick.  The only two times I've ever seen her "lay low" from an illness were when she had pneumonia and when she had influenza.  Even then, she was cheerful, playful, and bounced back incredibly fast.  She can spike a temp up to 105 and will only complain of being "a little tired".  Her body doesn't interpret illness the way others do.

I said she was an extremist, though.  There is a flip-side.  M is a drama queen when it comes to small injuries.  She probably gets hurt 12 times a day, at least.  I joke that she does not get TRAUmatic injuries, she gets DRAmatic injuries.  She has only had one injury in her life (knock on wood) that truly needed any care beyond a quick bandaid (and it was a badly scraped knee - a rite of passage in a preschooler).  But yet, she can fall down and scream like she's broken bones.  So, if she doesn't feel pain or doesn't interpret pain, why the big response to tiny injuries?  I have two theories:  #1 She is more sensitive to small injuries because her tactile sense is so acute.  Yes, she is sensory-seeking in that area (meaning she is hypo-sensitive) but at the same time, she consciously thinks about her sense of touch.  Since she craves different sensations to fulfull that senosry need, I think small, unexpected injuries are a disruption to her brain - she prefers deliberate input.  Theory #2 is that it's a learned response.  We teach our kids through our reactions that boo-boos hurt, boo-boos need attention.  They see their playmates (that really do understand pain) have big reactions and get big attention (and big bandaids) and then a learned response is formed.  M didn't start having dramatic injuries until she started being around kids in a setting that full of injuries (playground at preschool).  So she does what is expected of a little kid when they get hurt - M makes sure you know it!

I'm such a "shake it off, you're okay" kind of mom that I'm going to have to work very hard on tuning into pain.  The pediatrician suggested medicating for pain anytime M is sick because she may not articulate that she is hurting (just think how achy you are with a cold).  I also need to be more empathetic to her small injuries, remembering that she feels things differently.  Ignore the drama, address the boo-boo and the hurt feelings.

Pain.  Interesting subject, huh?  Such a learning process.

Panic Box

One of the things that we have the most problem with in this house is anger management and stress control.  Mariposa tends to be very dramatic and impulsive, easily driven to panic.  She doesn't seem to be very aware of her emotions or how to react to them.  This makes very small situations become blown out of proportion very easily because she's like a freight train barrelling down the tracks with no brakes.  She has no idea how to calm herself once she's upset and she has no idea how to not get upset.

I've been doing some research (okay, okay - pinterest and FB can be considered research if used properly) and decided to come up with a stress box.  Two, actually.  One for school and one for home.

We worked on this together all weekend and went through every item tonight and talked about why it's there.  I also reinforced the idea that this is NOT a play box, it is NOT a box to get her out of doing something unwanted, and it's NOT a box to get her out of trouble.  It's a box to help her recognize her emotions and keep her from getting INTO trouble.

The box:  I think it was like $2.50 at Target.  We have a green one for home.

We made these ourselves and they are, by far, Mariposa's favorites.  I even like them.  Very simple.  Playdoh in balloons.  Sharpie on some faces.  I added the words on the back because M is such a reader.

M loves fleece.  It is her comfort, her companion, her "zone" - it soothes her tactile seeking.  Since she can't carry her fleece lovey around with her, I made her a miniature blanket - she picked out the fabric.

A squeezie/bouncy/squishy ball and her Klix fidget bracelet.

A (very outdated) picture of us.

A notebook and post-it notes, mini gel pens (thanks Target $1 aisle).
I asked her, everytime she needed to use the stress box, to please write me a note telling me her feelings and then put that note in her lunchbox so I could help her at home.

Some flashcards to help her write her notes.  They say "Today I felt...." on one side and then a variety of feelings on the back.  I'm sure she'll get creative and start making up her own soon.

Two mini calm tubes.  The top one is a mini version of a "calm jar" (see below) and the bottom one is a mini version of a shaker.  The bottom one has letter beads spelling her name (hence the photo-shopped swirls) and seed beads.  It makes a very nice (but soft) rattling sound when shaken - sort of like a quiet rainstick.

And that's the contents of her Stress Box.  I'll let you know how they work in the coming days.


Calm Jars:

(found multiple different "recipes" on Pinterest - this is the one we used)

Used a coke bottle and then just poured a little into our mini tubes for our boxes.

1 cup hot water + 1 tbsp glitter glue + glitter + food coloring = calm jar.
Shake up to make a glittery bottle, then watch the glitter slowly settle to the bottom.



Just another day.....

Typical scenario at our house:

I'm washing dishes at the kitchen sink (big muffin pans that won't fit in the dishwasher easily) and I decide I need a big towel to lay them on to dry.  Mariposa is sitting at the counter eating a snack and since I'm up to my elbows in soapy water, I ask her this "M, can you please go to the towel closet and get me a blue towel like I use for washing your hair?"  Okay, Mommy.

She hops off her stool and heads towards the closet, getting sidetracked by her playroom next to the closet.  She goes in and turns on her CD player, comes back out and starts dancing to the music.

"M!  The towel please!  I'm dripping here."  Oh yeah!

She comes back to the kitchen and opens the towel drawer (which I'm standing 1/8 inch away from).  "M, I can reach those towels, I asked you to get one from the towel closet."  OH!!!

She goes and stands in front of the coat closet, looking confused.  "M, the other closet, where the towels are."  OOOOPS!  Hahahahaha!  Sorry!

She goes to the correct closet, grabs a washcloth.  "No, M.  I need something bigger than that to lay the dishes on to dry."  Sigh.  Okay.

She puts back the washcloth and grabs a beautiful princess beach towel.  "No, M.  That one's too nice for dishes.  I asked for a blue towel like I use for washing your hair."  Blue towel.  Got it.

She walks over and hands me two blue towels.  "Thank you, M.  Please go put away the second one, I really only needed one."  Okay, Mom.

Puts the towel away.  Walks back towards her stool to finish her snack.  "Umm....M?  Do you think you can close the closet door?"

Just a typical day in an ADHD household!!!!